So hey, I'm just chilling out at my spring training mansion and I put on that Onion Sports show, they aired a segment saying I vow to be "an even bigger prick than last year".
Hey, fuck you Onion Sports. Did you hear that Col. Gadhafi speech today where he said all of his people love him? He stole that shit right out of the autobiography I'm working on. Don't be so petty and jealous of my greatness.
Just because I get paid to hit bombs and make it rain at all the night clubs doesn't mean I'm a bad man. Enjoying going into Yankee Stadium and making children cry means I'm a bad man.
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